My friend, Heather's Mom used to call it "being at sixes and sevens." I'm at "sixes and sevens" trying to figure out what's next.
Brian didn't live past 25, and I'm going to be 35. I have already lived the sort of life he never got to live. He never got married, he never had kids and he never left Illinois. I'm married, have a daughter and I've lived lots of different places. Because he didn't get to do these things I'm going to do them and I have done them.